So there is this girl and to be blunt, I often hate her. I think she is whiny, lazy, sucky at her job, too emotional, over dramatic, ugly, overweight and disgusting, stupid, and worthless. And I hate that I hate her.

She is me.

Why do I beat myself up so much? If someone else was saying those thoughts about someone else I would think they were a horrible person, so why do I allow myself to mentally berate and judge and put down my self?

The truth is I don't really know, but I have done it for so long that it is instantaneous and the thoughts have entered in and been sucked down into my soul before I realize it. I have always been overly critical and hard on myself, ever since elementary school. Part of it is my perfectionist tendencies and a drive to succeed which can be great in moderate amounts. It has pushed me to achieve many life goals and accomplishments. It has also sent me crashing with thoughts of my 'worthlessness' or 'stupidness' due to a mistake.

AND I HAVE HAD ENOUGH!

I need to silence the monster inside of my head that tells me that I am not good enough, or worthy of anything. I just don't know how.

I have tried positive affirmations, mediation, trying to catch the negative thoughts.

How do I break the cycle?

I don't have an answer, but I will keep looking because I do deserve it.

How have you helped your self-esteem increase? Comment below if you have ever felt similar and/or have something for me to try!

 


Comments

Pam
01/13/2014 8:45pm

Hmmm.... so when the loop starts up again in my brain, I try to shock it with something different, or distract by learning about other women's lives. (Usually on xojane.com) Keep pushing back.

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Sheri
01/15/2014 12:41am

I have a friend who is a spiritual healer. She teaches a course of which the first lesson is called self love and acceptance. I've taken it several times and now it is a way of life for me. Pm me if you want more details. :-)

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Holly
01/15/2014 8:27pm

I took and still occasionally go to a therapist.

Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT) seems to have helped me immensely. Also journaling, because then you can actually talk to that voice that makes you feel like crap inside your head, and you can tell it to go stuff itself! Very satisfying.

Seriously, sometimes you have to have these conversations with yourself over and over.

Meditation is a good way to repeat to yourself that you AREN'T a loser even if you sometimes feel shame. You deserve self-love because it ISN'T selfish, even if you feel that it is.

Anxiety is my thing. I've been doing a lot better though over the years... Mindfulness doesn't happen overnight, but after you become mindful of your subconscious negativity, you can start to get yourself out of that rut and forge a new path.

I really am glad you are beginning that journey! ♥

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