So there is this girl and to be blunt, I often hate her. I think she is whiny, lazy, sucky at her job, too emotional, over dramatic, ugly, overweight and disgusting, stupid, and worthless. And I hate that I hate her.
She is me.
Why do I beat myself up so much? If someone else was saying those thoughts about someone else I would think they were a horrible person, so why do I allow myself to mentally berate and judge and put down my self?
The truth is I don't really know, but I have done it for so long that it is instantaneous and the thoughts have entered in and been sucked down into my soul before I realize it. I have always been overly critical and hard on myself, ever since elementary school. Part of it is my perfectionist tendencies and a drive to succeed which can be great in moderate amounts. It has pushed me to achieve many life goals and accomplishments. It has also sent me crashing with thoughts of my 'worthlessness' or 'stupidness' due to a mistake.
AND I HAVE HAD ENOUGH!
I need to silence the monster inside of my head that tells me that I am not good enough, or worthy of anything. I just don't know how.
I have tried positive affirmations, mediation, trying to catch the negative thoughts.
How do I break the cycle?
I don't have an answer, but I will keep looking because I do deserve it.
How have you helped your self-esteem increase? Comment below if you have ever felt similar and/or have something for me to try!